Closing 2021, and the lessons I’m grateful for

Can you believe 2021 is ending soon? Maybe there’s something about the end of the year. I’ve started and stopped 4 posts. Nothing seems to fit the mood. Maybe my brain just wants to write about the year that passed. Since I wrote about 6 things I’m grateful for in 2020, I thought I’ll continue the tradition and write another one in 2021. Particularly, the 2021 lessons I’m grateful for.

Despite the pandemic and nothing exciting happening, 2021 proved to be a good year for me.

I learnt it’s okay to fail

This year, my little accessory business didn’t do well. One can even say it failed, but in my opinion, it didn’t because I’ve learned several things from the experience.

Unsurprisingly, My lack of confidence and fear of failure really held me back. I needed to be a lot more consistent and to put myself out there, but I’m so self-conscious it affected my social media presence. I suppose I should’ve mentioned my self-consciousness on one of my Instagram stories, but I didn’t, of course. Too self-conscious.

Still, my posts improved compared to a year back and I’ve observed better engagement with my daily posts – before my trip back destroyed my momentum.

Strangely, my year of non-accomplishment taught me that failure isn’t that scary. My life didn’t crumble because I didn’t sell anything. My esteem might be a little bruised, but that’s not a big problem. What matters is I know what I’m doing wrong and I’m not as afraid of failure as before. Besides, the competition really is stiff.

as long as I kept trying

Next year, I’ll have to be consistent in my posting and fail more so I learn more. I’ll have to figure out how to get around my self-consciousness. I think I have an idea how – the same way I became less self-conscious about blogging by hitting publish over and over.

I lived simply

Thanks to the pandemic, I didn’t come back to Singapore for 19 months.

For 19 months, I lived simply. I had the same breakfast for 19 months – coffee and peanut butter toasts, usually with half a banana, sliced. Occasionally, I switched the peanut butter up with cream cheese or butter. I enjoyed every breakfast. We ate simply but well even though we rotated the same meals.

We had the same routine each week. I worked 20 to 30 hours, and Friday night is always movie night. When I wasn’t working, I did chores, crafted, wrote, and exercised.

There wasn’t much happening, no nights out, fancy dinners, or drinks at the bar, but everything that mattered to me was happening. There wasn’t much money, but with the help of my husband and my mother-in-law, life was comfortable. I have everything I need. And more.

Still, I felt limited at times since we couldn’t drive and the pandemic makes it risky to go out. Most days, I felt blissful. Some days, I felt like I couldn’t keep living this way. Then it was time to return to Singapore for a visit.

and realized it suits me

I love the mobility I have in Singapore, but I don’t love the busyness. The population density, the third-highest in the world, can become overwhelming really quickly. I hate that we’re so consumeristic and that we don’t separate the recyclables. That last part really bothered me. I don’t have faith that anything gets recycled here other than metals.

Everyone told me I look healthy when I got released from quarantine. Yeah, I felt good. I haven’t felt this good for as long as I could remember, maybe ever, both physically and mentally.

But it didn’t take long before I felt a flash of anger here and a muddying of my mind there. Faced with a variety of delicious foods, I miss my predictable rotation of vegetarian food. Not because they taste better (they taste just as good as the local foods, just different), but because my body knows they’re better for me.

Just as my body knows what foods are better for me, it knows which environment is better for me too. I’m not saying the United States is better than Singapore for me, but that a simple life full of simple foods is better for me.

Loving someone is simple

When I was younger, I was under the opinion that couples need to do a lot of stuff together to keep things interesting. When I dated other guys, we would go out for dinners, movie dates, and travels – garden variety couple activities. I always got bored after a while. The conversations never stayed interesting and I never felt understood.

I do admit though, I’m one weird cookie.

Then I met my husband on Facebook of all places, and it blew everything I ever knew about relationships out of the water. Loving someone can be simple. No need for fancy dinners, romantic getaways, expensive presents, or elaborate surprises… I mean, these are good in moderation, but they can get old quickly if you aren’t with someone you’re really into.

if it’s the right person

You don’t have to do a tonne of things with your partner to keep the spark alive if you guys share a genuine connection.

Because of the pandemic, my husband and I hardly went out. I spent most days working and crafting in a separate room, but we had every meal together and went to bed at the same time every night. We binged watch movies and TV series and pieced puzzles together. Like a boring old couple.

Ironically, he’s the one person I never get bored around. He doesn’t just understand me, we share similar interests and world view. Equally important is the fact that he consciously tries to be a good partner and to be respectful. It’s also thanks to his constant encouragement that I blog and craft and keep diving deeper into my creativity pool.

I love him more than ever. I want to watch every good movie with him and never stop talking to him. We joke that we’ve become codependent, but it’s not a clingy codependence. It’s an “I love my solitude but I really enjoy having you around” type of codependence.

Learning about opposing viewpoints is difficult

I did content rating for a social media platform until I had to leave for Singapore. It’s just an easy little job, but it exposed me to a lot of political and social issues. Things I ordinarily won’t set out to find out about.

In the times of social media, we’re quite restricted in the breadth of content we’re exposed to because of the algorithm. More often than not, our social media feed shows us posts that we already agree (engage) with and these typically exclude opposing views.

Working as a content rater forced me to read opinions from both sides of the spectrum, for instance, liberal versus conservative. It’s not always easy to read about or listen to viewpoints I disagree with, and sometimes I get downright mad. But it proved to be really helpful – these posts forced me to become more open-minded.

but it keeps the mind open

Even if I don’t agree with certain people, I have to remember they are just like me. They get hurt by rejection and they love and feel protective of their families. They just think differently because of different upbringings and circumstances.

But there’s something else I learned: feelings and thus opinions are often manipulated by despicable forces. There is just so much more to social issues than meets the eye – so much more orchestrating in the background than I previously realized. No matter where you stand, on what social issues, we’re all susceptible to influences, outright manipulation, and misinformation.

Hating one another often just means some people at the top got their way. Don’t let them win!

I think I matured more over the year on this part-time job than I did in the 3 years I had my previous full-time job. That’s why I didn’t mind not making that much money from it. Besides, I get to work from home, not talk to anyone, or attend meetings!

2021 was a turning point for me

I started the year depressed and plagued by inadequacies. By the end of the year, I’ve never been better. It didn’t all happen in the span of the year, it took years. Perhaps all 35.5 of it. But I can finally say I love my leisurely, loser-ly life without feeling like a loser.

Coming back to Singapore was the contrast I needed to clarify my needs and lifestyle preference. I saw all the activities, the foods, and the immense wealth of the economy, but all I want to do is to limit my own participation in it.

I can’t say for sure what’s in store in 2022, but I want to keep my life simple. I want to stand firm against overconsumption, keep reducing my carbon footprint, and forge my own career path while working on self-acceptance.

Oh, right, and keep exercising regularly.

How was your 2021? What are some lessons you’re grateful for? What hopes and dreams do you have in store for 2022? Let me know in the comments! Happy New Year!