6 Things I’m Grateful For in 2020
We’re nearing the end of 2020! For a while there it felt like the year would never end. As the year winds down, I thought it’s best to do another gratitude post by writing about some things I’m grateful for.
I haven’t been able to write as much as I had intended to ever since I started my part-time online job. I can’t even blame it on the hours, I only have to work 20 hours a week. It’s really a problem of attention span and laziness because writing is difficult at times. Heh.
So I’ll be changing things up on this blog to fit in more introspective and light posts. Hopefully, when I get my time management in control, I’ll dive into the informative posts again.
I am very sorry if you enjoy reading environmental posts but aren’t getting them here anymore. I promise, they’ll be back.
6 things I’m grateful for in 2020
1. A deeper look into the human condition
I feel like 2020 is the year that really challenged my opinions of people. I’ve never been a people-person, being more of a hermit myself. Humans are interesting, but they can be so annoying as well.
In the face of people who said COVID-19 is just like the flu and masks are tools of oppression, I’ve felt a ton of anger and frustration. Especially when I think about how many healthcare workers have been working their asses off, risking their lives, since the beginning of the pandemic.
Thinking about the healthcare workers, on the other hand, fills me with respect and gratitude. What they are going through is traumatizing, I think the least we can do is social distance and wear a mask in public. And hopefully not become part of their burden.
And then there’s the US presidential election, but I don’t want to talk about that again.
- Read about my reflections from the 2020 US Presidential Election
So my perception of people was severely challenged this year. I tried hard to understand people I perceive to not have the common good at heart, so as not to harbor bad feelings toward them. I can’t say I’ve succeeded in not getting upset at all, but any frustration I feel is short-lived for the most part.
In trying to understand people who are vastly different, I feel like I’ve grown both intellectually and emotionally. And this is always something to be thankful for.
2. My Etsy shop, Google Adsense, and an online job
In July, I started my Etsy shop, Sattvic Arts. Though my business remained non-existent, it’s something I never thought I’d ever do. I’m still surprised I opened a shop. Also, shout-out to my mom-in-law and Emily (check her blog out at thatweirdgirllife.com!) for supporting me time and time again!
In September, I managed to get my first payment from Google Adsense! I wish it made me feel motivated but at this rate (of writing), I’m not sure when the next payment will materialize… Still, it’s something!
I’ve also spent time job-searching off and on throughout the year, avoiding retail jobs mostly because I lack people-skills. Besides, my partner is in the high-risk group when it comes to COVID-19. Well, non of my applications were successful.
However, in October, I got an online assignment!
Although it doesn’t pay much, I feel very blessed to have an hourly-paid job in these bad times. It also came just in time for me to have some money for Christmas presents, so that’s always lovely!
3. COVID-19 hasn’t touched us yet
Lately, I feel like COVID-19 is inching ever closer toward us. Before, no one I know has needed to be quarantined. In the past month or two, I started hearing about people I know having to quarantine because someone they know got it. Recently, a cousin caught it.
You just don’t know when it’ll creep into the household. The US has surpassed 17 million reported COVID-19 cases. According to a CNN article, 1 in 22 Americans has tested positive for the virus. It almost feels inevitable to catch it.
Thankfully, we’ve been okay so far and I hope it stays this way. We’ve been pretty careful. Anth and I don’t go out much even pre-pandemic so the pandemic lifestyle didn’t feel much different for me. I guess that’s one good thing about being hermits.
So I’m grateful, and I’m not about to take it for granted. Because I know some people who were careful but still caught it.
In addition, plenty of people have no choice but to work at high-risks jobs because they’re essential workers.
To the essential workers: I hope you’ll all be safe and healthy, and I thank you for keeping our society going!
To those who have lost a loved one or whose health is suffering because of COVID-19, my heart goes out to you. I am very sorry.
4. Family and friends
The other day, I spent the whole day preparing little gifts for family and friends and didn’t get them done. It made me realize that this little hermit has more people in her life than she deserves.
I’m really not much of a friend. I’m not particularly thoughtful or fun to be around. Often, I’m cynical and a party-pooper especially with my environmental/ethicality concerns. Also, I forget birthdays and give crappy presents.
My family has it even worse. Growing up, I have a bad temper and I’m prone to mood swings. I don’t know how they put up with me, but they did.
Being so far away… It’s too easy to lose contact with people. Sometimes, even though I want to catch up with them, it’s a little difficult because the longer I’m away, the less I know about their lives and what’s going on in Singapore.
So I decided to prepare a little something for my family and some friends. Just to let them know, “hey, I’m thinking about you”.
Having someone to send/gift a little thing to, near or far, is a gift in itself.
5. Some progress in self-acceptance
I have an inferiority complex that came from a combination of social anxiety, a tendency to compare myself with people, and a lack of self-confidence. I still have many moments when I think about my life and feel downright worthless.
From the look of things, it’ll be difficult for me to get into a regular line of work again, especially here in the United States.
To say I’m hopeful for the future would be a lie. I’m not hopeful. Sometimes, I get a little worried.
Without Vedanta, I would’ve fallen into an abyss by now. It has helped me so much in managing my mental health. Every time I stop myself from identifying with my feelings, I grow a little stronger.
Feelings are just fleeting emotions that happen to the body, not necessarily helpful, and definitely unreliable. They can help us glean information about issues that need to be resolved, but beyond that, they are best observed and kept at a distance.
Does that sound odd and cold?
Think about it this way, I love peace more than disturbances. So being rational and a little distant from turbulent feelings is an act of love toward myself. It’s better than getting tossed around by emotions and ending up hating life.
I find myself more accepting of the way I am, flaws included. There’s still a long way to go, but I’m grateful for how far I’ve come. I’m grateful for my ability to think and reason.
6. Roof over my head and food on the table
I obviously don’t make enough to pay for my own apartment. It’s thanks to the generosity of my family, both here in the US and in Singapore, that I’m never homeless or hungry.
I think I’ve mentioned this before in a previous gratitude journal, but home and food will always be things I’m thankful for.
As mentioned earlier, I have a tendency to feel inferior. It frustrates me to be dependent, but we’re all dealt with different cards in life. We can only play the game of life to the best of our efforts with the cards we have. If I kept wishing for a different set of cards, I’ll lose the game for sure.
This year, many people are facing homelessness and hunger.
If you’ve had to move back home this year or rely on someone, I hope you’ll focus on the gratitude.
I hope you’ll feel humbled and loved, instead of ashamed and worthless.
That concludes 6 things I’m grateful for in 2020.
2020 is a difficult year for many of us. Some of us are stewing in our boredom and frustration, while others are struggling with stress and desperation, so it’s easy to lose sight of what we do have.
I urge you to think about some things you were grateful for this year. It can be as important as a loved one, or as simple as the coffee you had this morning. Gratitude journaling is a beneficial mental and psychological exercise.
Writing this post helped me to close the year 2020 slightly comforted, and begin 2021 with gratitude in mind. I hope you’ll give it a go too.
Stay safe, Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year!
