How I Dispel Self-Doubt Practically

Self-doubt is like an old muscle that I’ve used a lot, so the muscle memory is well established. Whenever I do something that would create a result, the self-doubt speaks up.

She speaks loud and often too, so I’m on guard all the time. Her voice broke the dam today and self-doubt came gushing in, flooding my body and mind with negativity. Ugh. I’m really tired and pessimistic at the moment, but I’m better off writing about it than wallowing in it.

She said to me, “you’ve been dutifully updating your twitter account and Facebook page. But, what can you do about bad writing and a boring personality? Why bother with the blog and the creative ideas that you lack the means to materialize?”

Ah. She is such an asshole.

As much as I know that we’re fine the way we are, the knowledge doesn’t come through all the time, especially when I’m flooded with self-doubt.

It’s a good thing I’ve become a veteran at dealing with mental struggles after all these years. So I know it always passes.

It’s good to address them anyway. These are the steps I do whenever I’m swamped by self-doubt and don’t want to simply wait it out.

Step 1: Identify the thought behind the emotion

It is said that every emotion is preceded by a thought. That means you can’t address an emotion if you don’t know what thought motivated it.

In my case, that is true. The thought that caused the emotion of the day is “what I’m doing is not good enough” – a classic Julie that has broken the dam countless times. Lately, it has been circling me a lot, like a vulture over an injured animal. Every so often, it springs a leak. Today, it broke the damn dam. But at least I know what caused it.

The thought that causes a particular emotion isn’t always obvious. To identify it, observe your thoughts and the emotions it causes. If this doesn’t work, write down your thoughts and how you feel, and try to establish the correlation.

Step 2: Rationalize the thoughts

Most of the time, the thoughts that caused the emotions have no logical basis and our fears are unnecessarily inflated. Talk them through, or write them down, and rationalize them.

I comfort myself with the knowledge that no one started out being great at writing. I don’t know how long it will take to improve, but if I don’t write, I will never improve.

It’s the same for my creative idea – if I don’t work on it. It will definitely not materialize.

As for my personality, I can’t judge it since my point of view is skewed by self-doubt. In any case, I can only put my posts out there and see how it’s received, if at all. Everything else is not in my control, so why worry?

Dear brain, I may not be good enough for you, but it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t keep trying and get better at what I want to do.

If you can, look at it from a less serious angle! One of my problems is I take things too seriously, it wears me down.

Even if I’m not good enough, even if the outcome is unfavorable, it’s not the end of the world. What matters is I enjoy doing it!

There, I feel a little stronger. But let’s not stop here.

Step 3: Count Victories to Counter Self-Doubts

I do this because I tend to focus on what I can’t do, and neglect what I’ve done so far. Doing that is discouraging. To counter that, I count my victories, no matter how small they are.

Victory 1: As a non-native English speaker, I have come a long way from my days of horrible grammar and bad sentence structure. I still make mistakes but believe me, you wouldn’t want to read what I wrote when I was younger.

Victory 2: I’ve been learning a fair bit since I started to “push” my blog on social media.

Victory 3: Practice makes improvement. It’s a victory because I have that fact on my side.

Victory 4:

Victory 5: A post of mine touched someone today!

Counting victories work exactly like counting blessings, except it works for the esteem instead of happiness. Count both for maximum effect!

Step 4: Be kind to yourself

Self-love is the best defense against self-doubt. Sadly, it’s precisely in times like this that I find it difficult to muster love and compassion for my self. That’s why I left this at the end; after I calmed down a little and remember that I have made some progress.

Life can be tedious and difficult with its endless chores and responsibilities. No matter where we are in life, we deserve a pat on the back. It’s especially exhausting for people who struggle with self-doubt. Like an evil boss, we’re constantly scrutinizing our actions and evaluating the results.

No one wants to be an evil boss, so why are we so hard on ourselves?

We’re taught to be kind to others, but we should’ve been taught to be kind to ourselves too.

Be the kind of boss you want to have for yourself. Be kind, appreciative and supportive, and allow yourself to make mistakes, because that’s how you learn and gain confidence.

Of course, self-doubt is pesky and will not go away with a single swat. It’s something I’ll have to deal with for a while. But I believe that if I keep dispelling it, I’ll be able to turn the self-doubt muscle into a muscle that supports me rather than run me to the ground.

Do you struggle with self-doubt? If you do, how do you handle them? I’d love to learn about more ways to deal with self-doubt!

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