To Stop Worrying About Wasting Time, Being Content Is Key

 

Humans are strange. Knowing that time is a limited resource, we hold time close to our hearts. We tell ourselves we absolutely have to treasure the time we have, and not waste it. Life is precious! Yet we hold on to time so tightly we forget to enjoy what time we have, forgeting all about being content.

Time-wasting and procrastination

Do you remember when you were a little child? You watched cartoons on TV or pushed your toys around, and never thought about time slipping past. There were no worries about tomorrow, or I need to get this and that done. You were happy with whatever toy you were obsessing on at the moment. Nothing else exists in your imaginative bubble.

I don’t remember precisely when anxiety about time slipped into my young mind. Maybe it’s because school got busier and I became aware of the scarcity of free time. Or it’s just in my genes. As I got older, I started to hate “wasting time” and aspired to be “productive”.  

A leopard never changes its spots. I’m still always trying to make good use of my days.

Lately, I’ve been wondering. What good does it do?

Little, really. I look back at my days and they’re just that, days. I don’t remember what I did unless it’s a vacation, a memorable day, or an eventful day.

When I look back, most days fade out of memory. I know I ate and slept and did daily routines like brushed my teeth and took my shower and did the dishes. More likely than not, I felt that low-grade anxiety whispering its bitter urgings. It says, invariably, “is there a better use of your time?”, “stop wasting time!”, “do something constructive”, or “you’re going to die poor and sad”. Lol.

Yet it doesn’t tell me what I should be doing. There’s the anxious voice, and there’s the clueless “actor”, the one who hears that she needs to be doing something, but who’s not entirely sure what to do.

“What should I be doing?” I asked the brain.

The brain goes, well:
“Plan.”
“Break your goals down.”
“Have SMART objectives. Specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-oriented.”

And when I draw up a plan, guess who visits? Madam Critical and Miss Procrastinator.

It’s with these struggles that I pass my days and years. A perpetual cycle of anxiety, action, criticism, and procrastination that keeps repeating.

Caught in a vicious cycle

This year, I received a planner and I’ve been noting everything I did in the hopes of motivation. I do something constructive most days – still, it isn’t enough. There’s a feeling like there’s something more I need to do.

Isn’t that always the case? It’s never enough. Our lives are never good enough, we’re always looking for another item or experience to make our lives better. Living isn’t good enough, we need to live fully.

When we’re unemployed, we wish we could find a job. We find a job, we don’t have time to do things we enjoy doing, or maybe the boss is nasty, so we start to hate it. Then we wish we’re doing something different, something we enjoy doing.

When we’re doing that something different, we find we’re not doing it well enough or fast enough. Maybe I’m not good/disciplined enough to be doing my own thing? Maybe I should find regular work instead?

Round and round we go on the wheel of doing. It’s a pain and it never ends.

To be fair, there are energetic go-getters out there who is always driven and productive. But I won’t pretend to be that person and I can’t pretend I can psych myself or my readers up to become that person.

Trust me, when you become that person, you’ll still be haunted by the desire for more.

9 of Cups

Annoyed by the feeling of unproductivity, I “consulted” my trusty Rider Waite tarot deck.

As I’ve mentioned in this post, I don’t think the tarot is magical or predictive of the future, but a spread can draw out things in your subconscious that you may not be aware of.

Of all the cards in the deck, I got this one. The 9 of Cups represents satisfaction, being content, having your wish come true, and having everything you want. 

I laughed.

Once again, I’m reminded to be satisfied. I do have everything I need and more. In my self-criticism and impatience, I forgot to appreciate all that I’ve been able to do and all that I have. All I kept focusing on is how I’m not doing enough and I’m not good enough. So I slip into the cycle of anxiety-action-procrastination.

What was I doing? I was comparing my life to some fuzzy ideals.

Time and time again, I have to remind myself: Actions don’t bring contentment. I used to study full-time and work part-time, then I worked full-time. Was I okay with myself? No. I suffered from depression. If doing things can bring us contentment, we’ll all be contented by now. Contentment doesn’t come from chasing ticks on a to-do list, it can only be derived from acknowledging that I have enough, I am enough. Every single day.

Time and time again, I forget my own advice. I’d wish I’m more consistent with my crafting, I wish I could post daily the way some people do. When I was jobless, I wish I had a part-time job. Now that I do, I wish I had a better paying job that garners me respect (from myself). There are endless reasons for me to be dissatisfied with myself. I’ll always wish I did more with my time. My focus was wrong.

Being content

It’s such an irony how our hyperfocus on “not wasting our life” is killing our enjoyment of our days. Consequently, it does precisely that – wasting our perfectly good life.

Being judgemental and uptight about how we spend our time is probably the biggest time waster there is because it takes us away from living contently in the moment. Is there a better use of time than living contently in the moment? I doubt so.

Working hard and fast is great if you can do it, but working at your own pace is not slacking. Maybe you’re a very spontaneous and energetic person, or maybe you have chronic fatigue syndrome, or maybe you’re just not very efficient (like me), the person you are will determine the best type of days for you. 

Say you really are “wasting time” and procrastinating too much. Well, there’s no need to be upset about it. Instead, work from a place of contentment and gratitude. (Having time to “waste” is a luxury in itself!) Then gently make changes to your days to steer them in the other direction, in a way that suits your personality and circumstances. That way, you’re working from a place of love, not resentment. That makes a huge difference.

We don’t all need productive days filled to the brim with activities. Being content has nothing to do with a full to-do list. It’s a state of mind rooted in gratitude.

Next time you feel like you’re wasting too much time and procrastinating too much, remember the 9 of Cups. Maybe you already have everything you need, but the desire for more takes you away from the satisfaction of the moment.

When we look back again…

Life is too short to be upset about wasting time and procrastinating. At the end of the day, I want to be able to look back and know that my days are spent contently and peacefully, not with criticism and anxiety. After all, no happy days are ever wasted.