Defeated.

I haven’t felt this defeated in a while. Exposure to anything at all makes me feel like a failure. The negative voice is so powerful, yet I need to remember what I know.

This is an expression too. An expression of depression.

I’ve been withdrawn and trying to tide it over. It sucks all my energy and turns me into an empty husk. So all I’m doing now is the minimum. I do the chores and lay in bed, I do my assignments and whatever my hands felt like doing. Or nothing.

When I look at happier folks, I shy away, like vampires turning away from the light. It’s hard, but it is what it is. And it too will pass.

I am unhappy with my lack of progress and motivation, but I’m aware that it’s nothing I should be so upset about. I think that’s simply how depression work. Depression doesn’t care about reasons (or lack of), depression can be triggered, but sometimes it just happens. Then all we can do is take care of the body, and wait.

That said, waiting it out does not work for everyone. I know I can wait it out because it’s not the first time this happened and I know how it works for me.

If you’re depressed, always seek help. Then take a walk, enjoy a bath, meet a caring friend, watch a funny movie, or have a good meal. Whatever you do, always love yourself.

On a lighter note, I made a lavender sachet that I really like.