Why Sharing My Blog Scares Me, And Why It May Scare You Too.

My hands are cold and clammy as they hovered over the “send” button. I scanned the message with my eyes – once, twice, thrice, index finger motionless on the track pad. My heart, fluttering in my chest, set the speed for my racing thoughts. “How are they going to perceive my words?”, “it’s not good enough”, “maybe I don’t need to share it?”, “what if I ran out of things to write about?” Then my finger depressed the track pad. There, sent.

Shut up, brain. It’s just 14 Facebook invites to family members and closest friends to like a Page for my blog.

I overreacted, but that’s the exact reaction I had. 30 minutes after I sent it, I was still feeling the anxiety. Cold hands and feet, with a little tinge of regret… If you felt the same, please give me a shout out.

This is the first time I’ve shared my blog. And I need to talk about why it was so difficult.

Publishing posts on the internet was “safe”, things get lost in the vast cyberspace, and there is a distance between me and readers. If my posts stopped, no one would notice. If no one noticed my blog, no one need know!

But sharing with friends and family? That made things real. I’ve now been made accountable thanks to the power of social expectation.

It’s not that I don’t want to be held accountable, I want and like to write.
When I contemplate on my reluctance to share my blog, I see a tangled cluster of emotions hiding the real problems. I sorted them out so they would be easier to deal with. I hope some of you would find the following useful.

Here’s the result of my introspection.

Introversion

This wasn’t a problem, but it formed some kind of resistance. I think even if I’m proud of my work, I’ll still have some reservations. It’s a just part of my personality.

Being unknown is a comfortable thing, I’ve always tried to hide myself from the world, I don’t even like self-introduction. Telling people my name made me feel exposed, as if I was invisible when people don’t know my name. Wait, that’s exactly how it felt like.

Sharing my blog is self-publicity. For someone who doesn’t even like to tell people her name, there is definitely resistance. The solution here is to get used to it.

Low Self-Esteem

I don’t feel good enough. Part of me feels that writing isn’t for the likes of me. I’m not particularly intelligent, I didn’t major in literature, I don’t have that sing-song eloquence that some writers possess, I don’t have skills I can share to my readers. In fact, I don’t have anything to offer! Who am I to blog?

Of course, that isn’t true. Anyone who wants to write should write, that’s how we learn and improve. The world needs all kinds of expressions, surely I’ll find some to write about. But low self-esteem is insidious with its constant whispering, “who are you to blog?”.

The only thing to do here is not believe what it says.

Anth has been telling me that for years. Did I listen? No, my mind was blocked by a…

Belief That Failure Detracts From Us

…fear of failure. Once again, Anth reminded me time and time before, that it’s fear that’s stopping me from writing. I only looked at him wondering, time and time again, what made him think I can write?

He was right though, I fear failure. I fear it so much I was going to accept that I can’t write without even trying. It seemed preferable to the possibility that people may not like my work; that I may run out of things to write; that I may confirm my suspicion that I’m not good enough.

But a fear of failure isn’t the real problem!

The only problem with failing is the belief that it would detract from us. Stop believing in that.

True self-worth is being happy with yourself the way you are. Success and failure are events that happen to us, they don’t change who we are at the core.

So what if those things happened? People fail all the time, that’s how we learn. I can stop writing if I hate it or keep writing if I love it. I’m still me.

There you go, three reasons sharing a blog may scare you, and what to do about them. I’m not saying it’s easy to overcome low self-esteem and to stop believing that failure doesn’t harm us, but life would definitely be harder if we don’t try.

To those of you who felt the way I did, I wish you luck and I hope this post helps a little. Share your blog! Don’t wait for it to be ready, as Lemony Snicket said, “if we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.”