A Beginner Mandala to Soothe My Troubled Mind

Unemployment is rough. Unemployment plus a fear of the society? Plus low esteem? Even tougher. As I contemplated on my situation, I can’t help but wonder what made me think that I can pull this off, when I had troubles even back home.

I’ve lost count of the jobs I lost because they weren’t right for me. The countless times jobs led to fear and dread and ultimately depression. I am weak sensitive, I can’t help reacting that way.

Yet here I am, barely able to breathe because I’m unemployed. A classic case of can’t live with it, can’t live without it.

The worry is almost constant. I can’t sleep at night. I want to run. Run away from all these and never have to face my inadequacies again. I want to outrun the feeling of outstaying my welcome. Most of all, I want to outrun the fear.

But this is just an elaborate play. Believe it or not, we are all complete and perfect the way we are. Everything is okay, I just need to believe it – even with fear shackling my entire person. The first step is to accept that I’m weak sensitive, and that’s okay.

Alright, alright. I am weak. So? It is fine. Everyone is a certain way and I just happened to be weak. Hey, someone has to be right? Everything on earth exist on a spectrum and that applies to strength too. Where there is strength, there is weakness. I should not be so disgusted with myself. I’m just an expression of the creation.

Maybe I need to draw another mandala. They say it has a meditative effect.

Maybe I would.